Accountability is Protection

One of the greatest things can protect us is accountability with our people.

In my life, one of my favorite roles is that I am accountable to people. For me, this is a very small number of people.

Now, I know most people don’t think this is exciting when we think of relationships. You might be thinking, “I don’t like people that tell me what to do.” Or, “I don’t want to do what people tell me to do.” And trust me, I don’t either. So, I get it. I’m not naive as to why this is hard for people.

But let me give you a little sales pitch here.

Accountability is the greatest protection of my life. When we live in deep community, and when we are fully known by others, we are protected.

For some of you, you’ve never even heard that word in the context of friendship. So this idea might be foreign to you. Why? Because this is just not the way our culture lives.

But, throughout history, this is exactly how most people lived, and still live today. Think of a small village. When you don't have a massive government over your lives protecting you, you've got to build systems and ways of living accountable in a community.

We experience this to some degree in our own lives because we live in a neighborhood where this proves to be pretty true. Recently, a neighbor sent me a picture of one of my kids walking around. But don’t worry, I knew he was walking around. So he wasn't in trouble for being out and about. However, some one was helping us out. They were just saying, “Hey, I just saw Cooper.” And if he happened to be doing something bad, he could have been caught.

That is the kind of world we're talking about, where somebody catches you and says, “Hey, that doesn't feel right. I think something's off with you. You're not being honest.” Or, “you know what, you’re in debt. And I think you shouldn’t spend the money on that car you’re about to buy.”

To be known this deeply is a choice. We have to choose to live being fully known. And I’m telling you, you want this.

Belonging to a Small Accountability Group

When we moved to Dallas, we left behind the deep community that we had for years, We lived there for 12 years. We started a church there. And even though our friendships were spread all over town, they had become family because we had lived so much life together.

Then we moved, and we had to start over completely. And the choice of joining a small group was a big one for us. If you've read our story in the book, then you know we waited a little while to join a small group. We didn't jump right in because we knew this was going to be a big decision.

But soon enough, we jumped into our small group and we quickly shared our life stories with these people. We told them everything, such as the big mistakes we’ve made, and also the things that not many people knew. They shared their life stories with us, too. We shared all of this within the first few months of doing life together, and this bonded us quickly. 

Soon after, we also shared our finances with this group. We actually shared numbers. We shared everything. And I'm not saying this is a safe thing to do without some structure. To do this, you’ll need an agreement such as, “we're going to keep this confidential within the group, and we're going to work through this together. We’re not going to be judgmental, but we’re going to help each other live in a way that would bring God glory with the financial decisions we make.”

This is a radical way to live. And living this way has been revolutionary for us.

Our group has now been together for five years, and every year we each bring a spreadsheet to the group with what we've spent. Together we go through how much we've spent on everything from clothing to food, to vacations and electricity bills, and even car insurance. 

In fact, this year, the group looked at our financials for car insurance and they were like, “why are you paying so much? Here's the phone number, call this person to get a better deal.” There’s practical help in this.

There’s also accountability in this. As you're living and spending money throughout the year, we each know at the end of the year the group is going to be looking the numbers. They're going to see what we spent on things, so if we spend anything big that's out of the ordinary, we run it by the group first.

All of this has been uncomfortable. But all of this has been radical. It’s given us so much confidence to run the race before us, and not feel stressed about the decisions we're making.

We can trust that those decisions are made with people that want us to make wise and good decisions. And we want the same for them. It feels like living in a safe, protected home. We’re not alone.

The old, familiar cliche that says, “it takes a village to raise kids” is true. And it’s true about all the parts of our lives. It takes a village to make good decisions. It takes a village to stay married. It takes a village to decide where to go to college. It takes a village to decide what job to take or whether to move. It takes trusted people around you.

“What if I don't have those people in my life?”

This is where it gets fun. This is where your “village” changes from your safe 2 to 3 best friends. This is where you get to look at the people around you for someone that could mentor you. Someone that's maybe older and wiser, that maybe you love how their kids turned out. Or you love that they check on you every time they see you.

They don't even have to live in your same town, although that's obviously the best. But you get to find someone that can know everything about you, and that you can tell everything to.

It’s a sweet thing to think of your life and ask yourself, “where am I hiding something?” Or, “where am I not accountable to anyone? Where am I living in bad patterns?” Once you recognize these areas, then you’ll see what you need to confess to someone.

This doesn't mean you'll never struggle with these things again. It's just that you don’t have to struggle with them alone.

The people around you, hopefully, that have a lot of grace and are safe people for you, can be there to spur you on and help you live the full life that God has for you in obedience to the Scriptures. 

And maybe you’re thinking, “I do this with my small group or mentor all the time, but I still struggle with my sin over and over again.” If this is you, you might need to get better at holding each other accountable.

The problem is that a lot of sin feels good. It has an immediate reward, therefore, if you're holding yourself accountable to your people, you need an immediate loss. And your people can help you with this. It is training, much like behavioral therapy. We can help discipline each other, so we’re not stuck in a pattern of only sharing our struggles over and over again where nothing changes.

Find ways to fight sin together, to be creative about it, and to cause thriving to happen. It shouldn't feel like judgment. 

As Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” So, this isn't about guilt tripping each other so that you quit sinning. That never works. Instead, it's running together on a mission. And as we’re running, we’re throwing off the sins and burdens, and we’re fixing our eyes on Jesus because we need him for this race we’re running. And we do this together, we do this in relationship, and we’re not meant to do this alone.

It's a beautiful way to live. Hebrews 12 is the theme of my life. I want to run the race that God has set before me. Do the good works he prepared in advance for me to do and that I would run that out and throw off the sin and the weight. I would fix my eyes on Jesus, the author of our faith. All that would be happening simultaneously, together with people that he's given me to run with.

This is such a fun way to live.

Accountability gives you people in the race saying, “hey, let's go. Let's go get back in. Don't give up. I'll help you. Lean on me, and I’ll help you keep going for awhile until you can run on your own again. I’ll help you figure out what you need to get back into the race. I’ll carry you hurts and burdens with you.” 

This is what we're craving. This is what we want. It's not just about holding each other accountable for the bad things.

It's also holding each other accountable to celebrate the good things and to be grateful for what God has done. 

The Church as a Safe Accountability Group

In Find Your People, I wrote about Rwanda and Pastor Charles. In Rwanda, there’s this sense that everyone is responsible for each other. “We belong to each other” is a saying in Rwanda. Pastor Charles told me that parents will adopt kids into their families that don't have what they need. They don't ever officially adopt them, but these kids will just end up living with them, and they are taken care of. That’s the kind of world we want to be, “we got you. You can come over and be here as much as you need because your family is going through a hard thing.”

In fact, if you've never had a mentor, go pick your favorite person that's at least 5 or 10 years older than you and say, “I just want you to adopt me. I just want you to bring me into your life and your family. I want to know how you live.”

This is called discipleship, to follow someone as they follow God.

And they're not perfect. You’re going to see them fight and be frustrated. You're going to see them do things that you think, “I don't want to do that for my own kid.” Or “I don’t want to do that when I get married.”

However, watching people make mistakes is probably one of the greatest ways you can learn. And someone humble enough to let you into their lives that say, “hey come follow me as I follow Christ imperfectly” is more helpful than someone teaching you a Bible study.

This is more helpful than someone telling you what to do when you have a problem. Through this practice you’re going to learn how to live, and how to follow God.

Accountability is so much more than getting your hand slapped when you sin. It's walking with other people and learning from them. It’s about living life with people that can tell you the truth. 

In the local church, there's a clear biblical model for accountability to local elders. God set up the church as little groups of people in towns. Throughout the New Testament, Paul wrote letters to the church of Corinth, and in Corinth was a group of believers that were taking care of each other and doing life together.

These local churches were the places where they processed together how to follow God. So, you need this. This is a given in the life of a believer that you would be a part of a local church. 

One of the structures laid out in scripture is accountability. If you go off the rails, the local church the elders are to help restore you and say, “hey, it's not okay that you did that.” This kind of accountability is suppose to serve as protection for that individual but also for the name of Christ. When a believer is just sinning and sinning and nobody's stopping them, it’s not good for the name of Christ.

So, this idea that a group of people would shepherd you and bring you into this family of a local church, and take care of your needs when you have them, and to walk through your good and hard times with you, and call out your sin if need be, this is a beautiful gift.

In all families and groups there can often be brokenness. But God still blesses and honors this, even if it’s broken and messy.

Submitting to our local church and our local elders is a gift in our lives. I believe this practice has protected me throughout my life because I’ve made a choice to live accountable, to live known, and to not live with secrets. I’ve made a choice to place myself under submission to people who can call me out, and call me higher.

Also, you should never trust leaders that are not accountable to someone. All leaders and all humans need this. We’re all fallen and in need of grace and accountability. This should be the norm as people of faith, but it's got to be true for all of us.

We all need this.

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