How to Live Accountable to Others
The most life-changing thing you can do is to choose a few people in your life to live accountable to.
This is a small group of people that you trust, and you've clocked some time with. You’re not asking a brand new friend to do this.
You’re looking for someone that you trust, with whom you can share your struggles and sins. This is not going to naturally come about even in your best of friendships. You have to say to someone awkwardly, “Hey, hold me accountable. I want to share with you what’s really going on. And I need someone to not just listen, but to also tell me the truth and to help me live more in line with what the scriptures say.”
To have these conversations, we’re giving you 3 questions, 2 scriptures, and 1 challenge to practice.
3 Questions
#1. Are you willing to be held accountable?
Start by asking yourself, is this something you're willing to do?
#2. What feels difficult about accountability? What are you afraid of?
These are important things to talk about with the person that you're going to be in this type of relationship with. It’s important that they know you well enough that they’re able to discern when you don't tell the whole truth or you're pushing them away.
If they know, “this is difficult for her because she feels judged or because she feels misunderstood”, then they might know better how to pull you back in, ask you questions, and when to be more sensitive.
However, at some point, you may need to be honest and use your words. Sometimes it’s about saying, “Hey, in this situation I felt misunderstood.”
#3. Is there someone in your life you trust, and you can ask to do this for you?
If your answer is no, ask God for a friend who will help sharpen you. You'll probably have to look harder for this. And for all of us, it will take a commitment. It might take a little digging and asking around.
For example, when my daughter got to college she joined a church quickly. She became a member and started serving. Then she asked the pastor, “who's a woman you really respect that could possibly mentor me?” And sure enough, she jumped into a mentoring relationship immediately. That sweet woman has walked through the last few years with my daughter, carried burdens with her, and has prayed for her.
This was a deliberate choice, and my daughter went out of her way quickly to commit to this and to find this in her life.
For all of us, this will take a commitment. It will take a little digging and asking around.
And some of you need to go play that role in someone's life. Maybe you're thinking, “I have this in my life already, but I need to give this away to someone” but nobody's asked you or reached out. Keep asking.
This is the lost art of our generation. We’ve forgotten that this is the main calling on our lives as believers in Jesus Christ, that we would be discipled and that we would be making disciples.
It can start with one person. You can reach out to one person that’s younger than you. You can say, “let’s meet for coffee. I would like to walk through this book of the Bible with you.” This is what a village does. They show up for each other and they supply needs that other people don't even know they have.
Go find somebody to disciple and mentor. It’s not complicated. Just invite them to do life with you. Have them come over. A lot of times it’s just talking about their lives. But sometimes it’s opening the Scripture and doing more deliberate discipleship.
2 Scriptures
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
This is the idea of biblically living under the authority of eldership and accountability. Iron sharpening iron; it's how we change and grow.
If you feel like you haven’t grown in a while, or can't seem to break some habits, this is probably why. You don't have this in your life.
Iron sharpens iron. It makes it better. Hitting iron against iron is what shapes, changes, and molds it. This is how we're supposed to be for one another in friendship. We’re supposed to live this way; making each other better.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come, the old has gone, the new is here!
This verse says that we are new creations if we are in Jesus Christ. Our goal is to live into the newness that we are given because of Jesus every day.
However, we're going to be tempted by the flesh to go back into the old way of life because we're familiar with it. But accountability pulls us into that new way of life. Often, we need somebody to yank us out of the old patterns that are not helping us.
1 Challenge
The challenge is to read your answers to the questions below to someone you trust. These questions are also in the book club guide that you can download for free.
Jot the answers down to the questions below, and share your answers with somebody you trust.
What’s going on?
Why am I worried?
What problems am I facing?
Where am I feeling insecure?
What sin am I fighting?
What am I learning?
What am I trying to control?
These are questions that are going to naturally build important conversations and accountability around your friendship and relationship that will cause thriving.
Then you can say to each other, “hey, help me process these things and hold me accountable to not keep struggling with the same struggles months from now.”
This is how we change and grow. Iron sharpening iron. It’s not comfortable, it’s not easy, but it’s life changing.
We all need this in our lives. And for those of us that are afraid to be this honest with someone, God can help us be brave and say the things we need to say.
Want to jump in with us?
Grab your copy of Find Your People and download the free book club guide today!
