Hopelessness
Thus says the LORD:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose trust is the LORD.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:5-8
We were planning out this season and I was looking at all these words that everybody was feeling, and I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by all of it. This is dark stuff! And are we just being dramatic? But honestly, as I’ve sat with it all for a few weeks, I’ve felt all of those things. Even the ones I wasn’t sure I did feel. There have just been times where this wave of hopelessness washes over me. It’s not something I would say I live with on a daily basis - I’m a pretty optimistic person and I believe the best about people and our world and the future. I always want to make the most of what we are given. I just don’t get overwhelmed or hopeless very often, but there have been a few moments in the last few weeks where it has washed over me. It’s usually a combination of factors that cause it to happen, but I just feel despairing. Nothing is ever going to change, we are all going to be separated from each other, we’ll all be isolated and disconnected, and nothing will ever go back to normal. That’s somewhat true, and that’s when the wave hits me - when I realize nothing is changing soon. We’ve got to figure out a new way to live in this. Whether it’s injustices or other issues, it just sometimes feels like nothing will change and we will be stuck in this division forever.
What I want to say is that’s okay. The fact that you feel that sometimes does not mean you don’t have faith or that you are staying in that place. What I think it means is that there is a real grief sitting on all of us right now that we need to recognize and work through and name and talk about it. That’s my hope for this season and this episode. I just want to talk about it! This is hard. It’s been hard for awhile. It’s going to continue to be hard for awhile. There are a lot of things that are impacted in this season that we would’ve never dreamed.
I see this the best in my kids. When one of them comes home - this happens with all four of them - but one came home yesterday just absolutely despairing. She struggles with dyslexia and she walked in the door and said, “I just can’t do school.” It was just this wave of hopelessness. Watching it in your kids, you see how our brains work and how we dig our way out of that. At first, it’s just giving up, checking out, and distracting yourself. Then you see a resurgence of understanding that you have to deal with it. You can’t hide it. For my kid, she realized she had to wake up to study. She had to get a tutor. She had to do the next right thing.
THE NEXT RIGHT THING
That’s my heart for you guys in this season - that you would celebrate doing the next right thing. There are a million ways we can feel paralyzed, discouraged, and stuck during this time, but to get up and do the next right thing, that is living. For most of history, that is people’s lives. In the midst of suffering and difficulty and poverty this is how people live through horrific situations. You just do it. So what if you just celebrated small acts of obedience? In the middle of quarantine I put a pink square up on Instagram that had pink circles. On the top it said “small wins” and everybody reposted it with their little wins. The truth is, in the middle of quarantine, there just wasn’t much to get done. We just couldn’t change the world. We couldn’t even leave the house! We had to celebrate going on a walk and calling our mom and making our bed. Those were my first ones. That needs to be okay for awhile. We are not sinking into complete paralyzed depression. We have to show up for our life.
DOUBT VS. HOPELESSNESS
Let me be clear. Doubt is different from hopelessness. It’s similar, but that feeling of despair does not mean you don’t have faith. It means your faith is being tested. The circumstances you’re looking at in that moment feel hopeless to you. Throughout the Bible and scriptures, great people of faith came to those same moments. They came to the water and Moses was like, what do we do now? David faces huge armies and questions whether God is with them. There are days where it just feels, like David says, his bones are wasting away. What the Psalms of Lament show us is it’s okay to have seasons of despair and sadness and hopelessness. That does not define our lives or our faith. What happens in David’s honesty about his sadness is his faith rises up. In most of those Psalms, there is a turning back to the Lord and a hope that is restored to his bones. He believes God again and he’s hopeful again. I think that is part of the process of faith. There is this wrestling and angst that should accompany any of us that believe in God and suffer, or watch those we love suffer. This isn’t a sign that you don’t have faith. This is a sign you need to pray! I was just interviewing Nick Vujicic (which you’ll get to hear on the podcast soon) about praying and fasting during this time of anxiety. That’s what we do! We turn back to God. We pray and get on our knees and ask him for faith. If you don’t have it, you ask other people to pray for you. You ask other people to help you when you can’t help yourself. You reach out and trust the community of God.
SUFFERING PRODUCES FAITH
The ideal is that we would keep our hope and trust in the Lord. But the cool thing is some of the darkest moments in my life, where I have been the most hopeless, have built my faith. I hate that because I want it to be easier than it is. But I don’t think any of us would truly trust God unless we’ve been in the desert and felt like the shrub that was withering up. When we see God provide and take care of us, we believe and trust him.
We’ve got to be in the word of God, praying, and reminding ourselves of truth. If we don’t, we are toast this season. If we don’t, we are the withered bush. Every input we have is screaming fear and hopelessness. We have to fight that! We can’t just live in and accept that. We have to build a different story. That story is the only story of hope that transcends every issue that we have on this earth. He is the ultimate hope. Wrestle well and don’t be discouraged that this is hard. Know that there is still hope in it even if you can’t see it. Even if it’s complete darkness and there’s just a little flickering light in the distance - run towards it. Grab anything and everything you can to get to that light.
There are roots being dug deep in the ground right now. There is steadfastness that is producing hope and character that is rising up right now because of this difficulty. We were soft and wimpy and we’re having to face that right now. We’re having to get stronger and faster and better. We’re having to grow up. I think on the other side of this is people who have more maturity, depth, realness, and impact for the Kingdom of God.
Q&A
I can’t fake hope because I don’t feel hopeful. What do I do in the middle of the pain?
You don’t fake it! Can we just all universally agree that we are not going to fake it through this? We are going to be honest. One of my dearest friends is one of the most real people I know and I am so grateful that she wants to be my friend, because I need people like this in my life. She will say any and everything she thinks and feels, and it is so refreshing to me. She always apologizes if she’s sad and crying. She always feels bad about it. It is the most beautiful and delightful thing that she feels safe with me and can be real. Guess what? There are days I want to cuss and scream and cry and guess who I call? Her. Because I know I’m safe. There is something contagious about not faking it. So let’s just stop doing that. But let’s fight for each other to get to hope. Don’t leave each other in that! Fight for each other to believe more. But we have to start in an honest place and say the honest thing.
What is something good, beautiful and true I can hang onto right now?
Let me tell you what is good, beautiful, and true: the promise that we are becoming more like God through suffering. I want to read to you something I read last week that I think is relevant. It’s in James 1:2-8, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”
Steadfastness is growing in us. All of that is coming from trials that we’re supposed to rejoice at. The reason we get to rejoice in them is because they are changing us into more of what God wants us to be. What is beautiful and good and true is that we’re growing up! We are maturing in our faith. I see it in you. I hear it when I read your messages. I see you all fighting good fights in your workplaces, colleges, and families. Now, it is cumbersome right now and heavy and not easy, but it’s happening.
As a Christian should I be positive and sunshine all the time? Is there some sort of balance to sharing the hard and good and with other people?
People would tell me I’m way too much sunshine. But hopefully I’m both! We have to be aware of the realities we face. Our sin, our circumstances, the difficulties we are up against, the darkness that’s warring against us. We have to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. We’ve got to be wise and sober-minded about the situations we’re in mixed with a joy and a hope that’s sincere. It’s not thwarted by the difficulties of the day. My favorite and most life-giving people are both. They aren’t afraid to talk about the dark and hard, but they’re not going to stay there. They’ll talk about the good and joy they have in God. Even if the world never goes back to normal, we have hope and it’s secure and not fading. We won’t feel that everyday, but we can fight for it and fight for other people to have it when they feel hopeless.
J.I. Packer has a great quote on this: “God uses chronic pain and weakness along with other afflictions as his chisel for sculpting our lives. Felt weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. The harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually. Even while our bodies waste away. To live with your thorn uncomplainily, that is sweet, patient, and free in heart to love and help others, even though everyday you feel weak. That’s true sanctification.”
I love that! We are so afraid of the hard and difficult, but I hope what you’re hearing me say is there is hope even in the difficult. It is cause for rejoicing, because it’s accomplishing sanctification in and through us. We have a constant conversation around our house about complaining. Especially during quarantine, we had this thing around our house where we would give each other permission to vent. Cooper asked one time what the difference between venting and complaining is. The truth is, sometimes we have to get it out so we can move past it. We can say it and trust God with it and let go of it. It turns to complaining when there’s no hope attached to it. It’s just venting with no purpose. We’re venting to get it out, and that’s what I told him. I’d rather him vent than yelling at his sister with impatience!
