A Peek Inside My Small Group
This week you get to meet my people! My friends Ellen Lee and Carla Moss are two of the women in my small group. Everyone wants to know how to have deep relationships and honestly, my small group has shown me this even in the past year since we joined! We handle finances, fights, and struggles in all areas of our lives. I couldn’t think of a better interview to close this season with than with some of the women I live life with day in and day out.
NOT JUST A SUPPER CLUB
Everybody wants to know how to have this in their lives. We all want to have deep relationships. This group honestly has taken me to a different level with small group. We’ve gone deep fast, and we’ve only been meeting together for a year. We’ve covered some big bases. But what makes this group different from just another group of friends? Carla and Matt lead our small group, and she explained what makes this different and why (as you’ll see) we we bring things like finances to our group.
“The thing I think is a big deal is all of us have friends. You can get together with anybody and get advice. A lot of people think you get together and you have a problem and you get advice. Frankly, any of us could get a group together and get advice. I think in these cases, you want Biblical advice. You want scriptural advice. That’s what you’re looking for. When we talk about problems, we better be going to scripture and praying and that’s what makes it different from a regular group. You’re taking it a step further than you normally would.”
This group has definitely taken it a step further than I normally would go.
The moment that really blew my mind is when Matt and Carla said “let’s lay our all of our finances with all the dollar amounts. How much you owe, how much you give, how much you spend. All of it.” I mean, that’s crazy! And that gives you a pretty good picture of how deep our small group is in our lives. I had never experienced small group quite like this before. There are a lot of different ways to get to know the people in your group, and looking at each other’s finances is one of them, as Carla explained:
“I don’t think when you look at finances we’re all trying to figure out what we’re all doing and who makes more and what your next career move is. A lot of it has to do with where your heart is. That’s what everyone is trying to figure out. When you sit down and look at your finances, it will show you where your heart is. It’s going to show you where you spend your money. It brings up good conversations about that and it opens up new avenues for discussion. That’s really what we care about, more than talking about our debt or mortgage payments. It’s just another way to figure out who we are as people.”
SHARING STORIES
One of the other big, crucial things we did as a group is share life maps. We started from birth and went to present day and explained where God has taken us in life. Ellen Lee shared why this is so important:
“Knowing each other from the beginning is where you have to start. You have to put your fear of man aside and tell each other about the seasons of your life. That way you feel like you’re not hiding anything, and other people feel like they have permission to speak into that.”
The powerful thing about us sharing our stories is that it leveled the playing field. We all had walked through dark seasons. So when one of us is struggling in our marriage, we aren’t afraid to bring it to the group, because we know all the seasons everyone has walked through. You feel more comfortable sharing the hard stuff. A lot of our lives are shaped not by our decisions, but by our environments and our stories. We’re all products of our past and telling each other our stories gives so much context as to who we are.
CONSISTENCY & COMMITMENT
The other thing about this group that has been so good for me is its consistency. We meet once a week as girls for two hours, then two hours every other Sunday with everyone. It is a huge commitment, and honestly I was intimidated at first. Zac and I didn’t know if we could handle it. But, we’ve clocked a lot of hours in the past year and that’s one of the reasons we’re all so close. Coming to group is basically non-negotiable, unless something is absolutely unavoidable. It is a priority to all of us. If you miss, someone follows up with you and asks how they can be praying for you. There’s no sliding past unnoticed or slipping things under the rug.
I know what you’re thinking: “this sounds crazy! Is this even healthy? That feels so invasive and threatening.” I thought that too at first, but this group feels so safe. The level of commitment we all have to the group is a big reason it feels that way. As Carla put it, “everyone has got to be wanting to play ball.” We’re all willing to say hard stuff and offer real, Biblical advice. We don’t come and have pity parties. We move forward and make progress and help each other grow. We wouldn’t be able to do that without a high level of commitment. This group has made me stronger, more disciplined, and more at peace with my marriage. There has been so much fruit in my life because of them! We’ve all heard it said that you become who you hang out with, and I am perfectly okay becoming like these women.
Our hope is not to show you something you can’t have. We believe you can have this. Whatever it looks like for you to take one step today to pursue this: send a text, make a phone call, ask someone. I can’t promise it will be easy, but I can promise you won’t regret it.
You can see the Life Map Template Jennie’s small group uses here
