"Why did this happen to me?" with Joni Eareckson Tada
You are in for a treat, because Joni Eareckson Tada is here!
I am so excited to have you, Joni and hear your story. Let’s start from the beginning, in case somebody hasn’t heard from you before or been a part of your ministry before.
Well for anyone who hasn’t heard my story, I was a 17-year-old in the 60’s, just fresh out of high school graduation and ready to go to college. I decided to go on a trip to the Chesapeake Bay with my sister, Kathy, for a swim. We went to the beach, put down our towels, jumped into the water, swam out to this raft, and took a dive into what I thought was deep water. Immediately, my head hit the bottom and it snapped my head back and crushed my spinal cord at the 4th cervical level and I became a quadriplegic, unable to use my hands or legs. I could not surface from the dive. I was face down in the water ready to drown, but thankfully my sister who was also in the water, but hadn’t seen me take that dive, a crab bit her toe. At that instant, she screamed to me to watch out for the crabs. Of course when she did, she saw that I was in trouble and reached under my chest, dragged me up from under the water, and I was gasping for breath. When I saw my arms slug over my sister’s shoulder, yet I could not feel it, I knew something awful had just happened. It plummeted me into a journey of deep, dark depression when they told me I would never walk again. I would never be able to use my hands, and I would be totally paralyzed the rest of my life. It was a terrible, difficult day.
Were you walking with Jesus at that point?
I was. But you know what Jennie? Jesus was kind of tucked in my back hip pocket. I just pulled him out every once in awhile when I needed something. I was not taking the Lordship of Christ over my life very seriously. So I did not know how to get out of my sadness. I was hoping that the joy of the Lord would just happen to me without any hard work. I kept waiting for my circumstances to change. I kept waiting in the hospital to get better, to get healed. I figured that once my circumstances changed, once I was able to get out of my wheelchair, my depression would vanish. But that never happened, because I stayed in my wheelchair so I stayed depressed. But finally, and I do believe I took this step from pressure from other people’s prayers, I found the courage to ask myself if I really wanted to do the hard work of believing God and trusting in his promises. Not just reading Bible promises or saying them out loud or even memorizing them, but doing the hard work of what those promises asked of me. For instance, Psalm 62:8 says, trust in the Lord at all times. That’s hard work to do that! Now years later, I’m glad I had the courage to reign in my wayward dark feelings, because battling sadness involves hard work. To break out of that cycle of hopelessness, you have to start my thinking - purposefully thinking, guided my scripture - and that takes mental effort. To keep pulling your emotions back to the promises of God where they should be anchored. For some people who live with depression that’s not only hard to do, they feel it’s too hard to do, impossible to do. But God is the God of impossibilities. The work involved doesn’t seem worth it to them, but I daresay that some people don’t want to change because they are loyal to their own way of living, even if it does bring more sadness. Sometimes people don’t want to change because they prefer to wait for the world around them to change. But somewhere along the line, you have to stop feeling and start thinking again - purposeful thinking guided by scripture. That takes mental effort to take hold of those emotions that keep dragging you down the dark path to depression and saying yes to the promises of God, starting with Psalm 62. There ya go! That’s kind of it in a nutshell.
When you came out of it and began to choose a different way to think, which is right up my ally! You’re giving me the things I love hearing about the most, because I just wrote a book called Get Out of Your Head, and it was all about stopping toxic spirals. I believe it’s possible too. I think this is possible and necessary in Christian’s lives. But when this happened for you, what did that look like? How did that change everything for you when you came to a place where you decided to choose to think and live differently?
2 Peter 1 had some good advice for me when I was depressed. It starts off saying, “make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from…” being depressed as it were. I think that’s a good place to start. That Bible verse was a starting place for me - make every effort to do the hard work of believing God. You wake up in the morning and you say, “God, I feel like crying. I don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t face my day. I don’t even have the strength to make it to lunch. But I’m going to believe you. I’m going to do the next thing empowered by your spirit. I’m going to do my devotions, even though my emotions aren’t in it. I’m going to read your word, even though I don’t feel like it. I’m going to choose to put a smile on my face and be gracious to my husband even though he’s irritating me. I’m going to be soft-spoken to my children even though they’re driving me up a wall.” You make every effort to add to your faith all those good virtues that keep you from being depressed. For me, what it looks like for me is singing. I sing my way through suffering. This morning when I was waking up I was singing the second verse of Be Still My Soul: “Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.” So it’s all a matter of small choices, it’s all a matter of making every effort, it’s all a matter of saying no to those wayward emotions and yes to the promises of God. For me that’s what it looks like.
I know a lot of people in this midst of this pandemic have felt a sense of sadness and grief. Is there ever a place for it? Is there ever a time for it? And when is that time?
You mentioned the pandemic, and it is a difficult season. COVID-19 just keeps bouncing up and down and disrupting our lives. People struggle to stay focused, stay on top of things, not get discouraged, not slump into depression. I know Christians are having a hard time, people for the most part have hardly been depressed a day in their lives. Some disappointment goes so deep it seems like nothing can comfort or console you. My husband Ken had to cancel his annual fly fishing trip to Montana. He’s never had to do that! Every year it’s been Ken’s big thing - you look forward to getting together with the guys and fishing the river, sitting around the fire, talking about the big issues of life, looking up at the stars and just breathing. But he had to cancel that, because our doctors were concerned somewhere along the way my husband would pick up COVID-19 and bring it home. If I got it, that’d be it. My lungs are too fragile. But Ken handled his sadness, his sense of loss, so admirably. He turned his feelings Godward rather than inward. I love that. Grief is of course when we lose something precious - a loved one to death, the loss of our health, to me it was the loss of my hands and legs. You grieve those losses. But I love what David says in Psalm 5, “consider my groaning, O Lord.” God hears every groan. He hears every cry. He understands the unspoken anguish! Nobody is as in touch or in tune with the sadness in your soul as God. Let God pay close attention to the cry of your heart and to all those deep and inexpressible feelings of longing and groanings. Turn your dark feelings Godward, not inward. Don’t minimize them, but do something good with them. Dark emotions will give you a glimpse of who you really are at your core. It’ll tell you your need of God. God listens to your groanings, so turn them toward him rather than inward.
I think that’s exactly what you did looking back, because I know Joni and Friends has blessed so many people. So many friends of mine have been a part of your ministry at some point. I mean it has blessed so many people I love. So talk a little bit about that shift from the despair to a mission that has changed the world when it comes to suffering.
I think one of the best cures for any depression, for any sad feelings, is to get your focus off yourself and put it on others who are suffering more than you are. My advice to quadriplegics lying in bed, I will say to them, “believe it or not there are people out in that world who are suffering for more seriously and significantly than you are. So find a way to encourage them, pray for them, write notes on your computer, make a phone call with your electronic equipment. You can reach out to others.” The best advice when you’re depressed is to get up in the morning, take a shower, eat your breakfast, and walk out the front door and go find somebody else to serve who is hurting more than you are. Jennie, thank you for mentioning our ministry. That’s what I did! I knew that one of the cures for my own depression would be to find other people with disabilities who were struggling more than I was struggling. It is in giving that we receive. When we give encouragement, we receive it from God. I just love the fact that now we deliver wheelchairs around the world, we give Bibles to people with disabilities, in countries around the world we’re helping provide food, we’re building small homes, helping churches in the US not just include people with disabilities but embrace them. I don’t know who said this, but whoever did, they’re brilliant. They said, “access is having a ramp to the table, mainstreaming is having a seat at the table, inclusion is having a voice at the table, belonging is being heard at the table.” God has been so gracious to me in my hardship and I just want other people to experience that goodness from him, that kindness, that generosity. Sadness and depression and those feelings can be the very impetus to not only teach us who we are but also to partner with God to go find somebody else who is hurting worse than you are.
Do you ever have bad days now? What does that look like for you?
Well I do have bad days. I deal with chronic pain. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and I just can’t bear it. I just want to collapse and go back to bed. But I’ve got to remember that Jesus is Emmanuel, he’s God with me. The Bible says that Jesus is for me, never against me. Jesus loves me enough to die a torturous death for me. Why wouldn’t he want what’s best for me? He’s proven he’s utterly trustworthy beyond a shadow of a doubt. I have seen Jesus come through for me when all else fails. Who am I going to listen to? My emotions or Jesus? 53 years in a wheelchair have taught me to listen to Jesus. This is how I do it. Psalm 125:3 says, “The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy.” Consider the verbs: the Lord has done great things for you so we are filled with joy. The first verb is past tense and the second verb is present tense. So when you’re depressed, think of what God has done for you in the past, because when you do, you’re heading in the right direction emotionally. When your emotions start drifting south, Psalm 126 tells you to remember. Remember the great things Jesus has done. His many gifts, his countless blessings, the times he’s rescued you, and best of all, your salvation. When you reflect on all that Christ is and all that he has done for us, you are filled with joy. I am filled with joy. It’s a work of faith to believe it though. It’s like a muscle to be exercised. It takes effort to remember who Jesus is and what he has done, but it is the path to being filled with joy. That’s what I do Jennie: I remember the many ways God has held me. Another thing: sadness is an indicator about your soul. What are these dark feelings telling you? What are they telling you about your lack of faith or your propensity to doubt or your tendency to fear? When you look at these dark feelings, they really are your textbook to tell you who you are and describe your need of God. Where do we get that need filled? God’s word. I’ve been talking about whether it’s 2 Peter or Psalm 5 or Psalm 126 or so many others, these are the anchors for our emotions.
What I want to hear from you is the person listening who doesn’t believe in Jesus and is in awe of everything you’re saying, and it feels pretend, but yet for 50+ years you’ve been paralyzed in a wheelchair believing the goodness of God. What would you say to them? If they can’t even believe this is true, how has Jesus made this possible to live with joy?
There are only two proofs for the Christian faith. One is the word of God and the second is your experience of that word. There may be some that listen who are just filled with doubts, they’re not sure, they don’t believe it’s possible to have joy sitting in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, but I would quote Isaiah 50:10, “for he who walks in darkness without a single ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely upon your God.” You’re never going to believe God unless you start believing God. You’ve got to take his word for what it is and step out into it by faith. A good place to start is 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “in everything give thanks. For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” You’ll begin to know if Jesus is real in your life if you do that verse. It’s not saying in everything feel thankful. That’s not possible. It’s saying in everything, give thanks. I remember when someone first told me that, I looked at them and said, “I’m totally paralyzed, that feels like an awfully big ask!” He said, “start small.” Start giving thanks for those things you can give thanks for, like being able to sit up in a wheelchair, or having use of your mind, or being able to speak or see or get outside, the fact that you have a job, you’ve got friends, you’ve got family. That’s what I started doing, and I would suggest anyone listening do the same. Find things for which you can give thanks, and begin the discipline and practice of counting blessings daily. Voice them, write them down, one-by-one, 20, 30, 40, 50 things. Start saying them out loud. After awhile, God will reward you with the emotions of thankfulness. You will start to discover if God is truly real in your life, because when you see the transformation in your heart and your feelings, you’ll say to yourself, wow, where did that come from? That’s not like me to feel thankful in this situation. It’s not like me to be gracious and merciful to this person. What is this change all about? It’s about Christ becoming Lord of your life. That’s a great first step to take.
One of my best my friends, Sarah Henry, had a massive stroke at 35 years old. She was an everyday friend for me. We walked through life, did carpool together, kids, everything. Every single day. She woke up and could move her thumb, and today she can walk and dress herself and lots of great movement, but she still can’t speak the way she used to. So it’s just been exactly what you’re saying, and I appreciate you so much, giving words to what I’ve seen happen in her. She can’t give the words, but she still has joy and she’s so grateful she’s alive. She is ministering and thinking of other people all the time. We talked today, and I’ve since moved to another city, so I don’t see her everyday. When we talk, she wants to check on me. Her whole life is so thoughtful and I see this as something, and I’ve observed it firsthand, as something that is possible in the most dire circumstances. I just want to say thank you for you putting words to what I’ve seen my friend live, because it is difficult to watch somebody go through hell. But there’s also something very beautiful about it, and I’ve felt honored to walk beside her and see God be enough for her. That’s what she would still say today. She is sending me encouragement and songs. I mean she walks with God. God has shown me and taught me so much just from watching her. So today, before we go, can you just encourage that person that feels like they have no hope? That’s listening and they want to believe it but they’re just so discouraged.
If you’ve been through something like Sarah or me, a terrible injury or accident or some other catastrophic disappointment in your life, you can look at that disappointment, injury, illness, death, disease, divorce, whatever it is, as the terrible, no-good, very bad horrible day. Admit it. That’s what it is. But it’s also something else. It is a glorious, beautiful, wonderful, brilliant day. Because that incident, that deep disappointment, that disease, divorce, stroke, injury, whatever, that thing that has dragged you down is going to be the very thing that will push you into the arms of your savior Jesus. The apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 1, “these things happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.” That’s the whole point behind God allowing suffering. You wonder why it happens. It happened so we would be pushed further and deeper and more intimately into the breast of Jesus Christ. God shares his joy on his terms, and those terms call for us to in some measure suffer as his own precious son suffered. It’s hard to believe and grasp, but once you dive in and believe his word, you experience a joy that is hands-down, off the charts, over the top, so effervescent and profound and awesome and all consuming, it just springs back up to God in a fountain of joy and then flows back to others in streams of encouragement. You can lie in bed in the middle of the night completely paralyzed and think, “man I’m the happiest person in the world. How can that be? Jesus it must be you.” The more you even say that, acknowledge it, the more joy will flood your heart, because you’re sharing in Christ’s afflictions, and you’re going to him for the help and hope you need. That’s what I would say. Your days may be dark if you’re suffering from disappointment, but they can also be brilliant, wonderful, glorious, and great, because they will push you to Christ.
