The Right Way to Change
With Craig Groeschel
Craig Groeschel is one of our favorite people on Instagram. He is wise and discerning and often makes complex subjects appear simple. Craig leads one of the largest churches in America and has authored several books. In his book, ‘The Power to Change: Mastering the Habits That Matter Most,’ Craig has truly simplified one of the most complex subjects. In this edited interview with Jennie, he talks about the right way to change.
How do people change?
Craig: The challenge is that most people want to change but are trying to change the wrong way. You can see this in the short-lived nature of New Year's resolutions. There were several things in my life that I tried and failed to change for years. I felt very undisciplined in my life. So, I went on a massive study of Scripture and science. This taught me that we don't just create behavior modification but achieve spiritual transformation as well. That's what the book is about. It’s about how we tap into the power of God to change His way.
We’re often resistant to change. So, what ultimately sparks somebody being willing to change?
Craig: People don't necessarily hate change; they hate the way we try to change them. The challenge is that we typically change for one of two reasons – inspiration or desperation. And we're often not inspired until it's too late, at which point we have to change.
However, we shouldn’t wait until we have to change to live a God-honoring life. We must be honest about where we're vulnerable and ask for help.
The COVID season created a culture that enabled bad habits. A performance psychologist I work with said people are intentionally pursuing a life that is counterproductive to their spiritual, mental, and emotional health.
So, I want to try and give a spiritual guide to people and help them understand why something's not working. Then, we can find ways to change it. Most people try to change by changing external behavior, but I want to start with who we are inside. I want to create goals that focus on who we want to become.
Although there are several secondary reasons for doing the things you do, you primarily act as you do because of what you think of yourself. Similarly, whatever you do reinforces your perception of yourself. If you want to change what you do, you need to change how you see yourself. And so, we start by trying to conform our identity to who Jesus says we are.
A counselor once told me that change has more to do with our relationships than anything else. As you were working on the project, did you find that it helps to have a community around you?
Craig: It's absolutely essential!
It's almost impossible to live the right life with the wrong friends.
The people we’re around will either help us become more like Jesus or they'll have the opposite effect. We often read the books our friends read, attend the conferences they go to, and learn to think like them. So, having unhealthy friends will result in unhealthy habits. If you want to change your habits, change your friends. They're either going to reinforce the good habits or stop some of the bad things if they’re good enough friends.
Speak to that person who wants to change but doesn't think they can and probably wouldn't pick up the book as a result.
Craig: First, I want to identify the type of person you want to become, and your identity is not about your appearance. For instance, you may want to be a person who honors God. So, we're going to connect your change to something spiritual.
Studies show that whenever you make any type of a decision, you subconsciously ask three questions:
What kind of person am I?
What kind of situation is this?
And what does a person like me do in a situation like this?
I want to help the reader identify very clearly what God-honoring trait they want in their life. Once you’ve identified the type of person you want to be, you find the habit you need to start or break to become that person. We want momentum, progress, and something that affirms the God-honoring trait in your life.
We build upon a step-by-step foundation. Then, we focus on Scripture and science to help us avoid sin, break bad habits, become more Christ-like, and create good habits. The bottom line is that you can change. You've just been doing it the wrong way. There's a God-honoring, more effective way and that's what we're unpacking in the book.
We’re seeing a shift from discipline to giving a ton of weight to what we feel. How is that impacting our view of change, discipline, and holiness?
Craig: Something on TikTok can change people’s views in weeks or months. What's hot now is doing what feels right to you.
There's direct peer pressure to be sinful, meaning you’re considered weird if you aren't experimenting broadly. The good news is that the brokenness of the culture is becoming obvious to people. So, they're looking for ways to heal it.
A lot of people are tired of trying to conform to whatever they think will be effective or make them fit in. They realize that they’re more hurt, alone, broken, and depressed because they don't connect with the people around them.
Again, we're not only trying to get the right habits. We're trying to be spiritually transformed so that we have the peace of God and are filled with the Holy Spirit.
This enables us to love people in brokenness and have very intimate human relationships that are God-honoring. I'm excited about the book because I think it can help people on the trajectory of a life that honors God.
In many ways, the quality of your life reflects the quality of your habits.
So, who you become reflects what you do. You can have overnight success now, but real meaningful life and effectiveness are not overnight. It's the small consistent acts no one sees that bring about the big results.
The challenge we have in this culture is that the wrong habits have an immediate payoff. However, there’s usually no immediate payoff when we do the right thing. And so, we have to go from instant gratification to patience. Our success doesn’t start when we finally hit the target. We're successful when we're faithful to Jesus today.
Jesus massively changed your life, and I love that story. Could you share it with our readers?
Craig: I was a “typical” party guy in college. Then, my fraternity brothers got caught doing grand larceny, and they were going to kick our fraternity off campus. So, I started a Bible study as a PR move because I was desperate.
I got guys together on a Tuesday night and we started reading the Bible. It was through reading the Word that I surrendered to Christ, specifically Ephesians 2. I wasn't always faithful in the early days, but I was transformed. From there it was a journey of learning to confess sins and being healed and cleansed from them.
I used to think I could never be faithful to a woman. Yet, my greatest joy is almost 32 years of marriage to a woman I have been faithful to and will be for my entire life. My greatest joy has been raising six kids who are all grown and serving Jesus in the church. And that's better than a big church, podcast, or book.
When you look around your life right now, do you still feel the tension of wanting to change things?
Craig: Yes. I think the closer you get to Jesus, the more you realize you're broken. So, the first thing I did was stop drinking and partying. Then, I stopped having sex outside of marriage before getting into the really hard stuff, like pride, jealousy, envy, worry, fear, anxiety, and temper. There's always something to change, and I'm always seeking God on those things.
What handles would you give to someone before they get the book, especially if they're desperate for change?
Craig: I want to give them hope. We’re exploring why people become unsuccessful despite trying to change. There are a lot of practical reasons people fail to change. In many cases, the challenge is primarily the wrong mindset. A change in mindset starts with not “trying” things. Trying is a halfhearted attempt that gives you an excuse to quit. So, we're going to stop trying and start training.
When you're training at a sport, you buy the gear and membership, get the coach, and show up with a plan. It's a full-on commitment because you're training to become better at what you are. That’s a total change of mindset.
With this book, you’ll go from trying to practicing. You’re not trying to stop watching porn; you’ve been changed by the purity of Jesus, and you’re living a pure life that honors Him. You’re training for a life of purity. That’s a different mindset.
You’re training for righteousness, not trying to be righteous. You’re the righteousness of God and Christ, and you’re training for more righteousness in Him. What we share in the book will give people hope, as well as spiritual and practical tools that will give you the power to change.
