The Last 2%
You don’t need to be alone with your thoughts.
I spent two years of my life researching the brain, and it changed my life. I realized that most of us have negative thoughts. About 80% of our thoughts are negative, and 95% are repetitive from the day before. That means our brains are not even coming up with new negative things. The interesting thing about our brains is that our negative patterns are breakable.
So often, I have found that the Bible and science work together beautifully.
When I struggled with an eating disorder for years and could not seem to break the mental obsession with food, I read a passage in 2 Corinthians that says we should take every thought captive. That was the first time I realized I had control over my mind.
We have an unprecedented epidemic of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. I have seen up close and in my own life what depression can do. I have struggled with thoughts that have circled endlessly. I even wrote a book about it.
Over the last few years, we have all struggled with exhaustion, depression, anxiety, fear, and loneliness. We're all on the edge, even if we don't cross over into being clinically depressed. I'm going to challenge you to do something very difficult – find community.
When I researched mental health, I saw several things that brought about healing, health, and hope for our minds. But none of them was more powerful than community, deep relationships, and friendships.
My friend and counselor, Curt Thompson, says people long to be seen, soothed, and feel safe. He says a baby comes into the world looking for someone looking for them, and that never stops. We spend the rest of our looking for someone looking for us.
Your brain heals from difficulty by connecting with another person. That’s the way God made your brain. This is why even bad talk therapy works. I highly recommend therapy, especially if you’re in a leadership position. There are times when you’ll need a professional to help you with the pressures that you feel your small group at church can't help with.
When you share something difficult, pathways that get blocked as a coping mechanism to trauma can open up. These shutoff pathways are how your brain protects itself so that your body can cope with distress. And those pathways open when you are connecting with others and are no longer alone in your pain.
The most toxic thing you can do is be alone in anything, especially in pain. This is because your brain was made to heal through connection. The Bible says we are supposed to encourage each other, carry each other's burdens, mourn with those who mourn, and celebrate with those who celebrate.
Our brains need companionship in the struggle.
Not feeling alone in my struggles allows me to heal from things that I couldn't heal from mentally.
You may have struggled with things and can't figure out why you can't break certain patterns. Perhaps you're wondering why it’s not working, although you trust God and do all the right things. It’s because you need somebody to mourn with you. You need somebody to celebrate with you. You need somebody to be in it with you.
The entire Bible begins with a Triune God – a God who in himself is communal. God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and He shows his Trinitarian form right off the bat. He then creates man and the very first thing He says about him is that it is not good for man to be alone.
It is not good for you to be alone in any thought pattern you’re trying to break or any dream you’re trying to build.
The ability to let people into your life is a learned and risky skill. It is a skill that costs potentially everything.
The most difficult moments in your life were probably not the moments of a diagnosis, death, or a terrible phone call. They were moments of betrayal, rejection, and hurt. In the most difficult moments of my life, people were around me, and I wasn't alone. In those moments, I felt loved and held up. And I felt the presence of God.
But the times when I had gossip spread about me, to where people have doubted me and my leadership, have been among the dark moments.
People are the best and the worst part of life.
And so, the riskiest thing we can do is to open ourselves up to people.
Most people have a 2% of their life that nobody knows. I don't necessarily mean that it's dark and twisty, although it could be, and that's fine because we have a Savior who covers that sin. But you have thought patterns, anxiety, fears, and small things that have entangled your mind, which you haven't uttered out loud. Maybe that’s because it doesn't feel like that big a deal.
That is often how the enemy causes me to not share things with people that love me. For some of you, that 2% is a big deal, but you're certain it’ll screw up your whole life if you share it. But it's only going to screw up your life if you don't share it.
No matter how bad, twisty, and dark your 2% is, there is an ability to say anything out loud. You will struggle less when you say it out loud. There's more to it than simply having a buddy in it. It's spiritual warfare. When you say something out loud, you break bonds with the devil.
Jesus says in John 8, “You are of your father, the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was murderous from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”
You are most isolated in your mind.
When you say what’s in your mind out loud, the devil loses his power. But we don't say things out loud. I can't carry my brain alone because the enemy wants to derail, discourage, and distract us. The enemy wants to get us off mission, so he'll use something small and seemingly inconsequential to derail you. He will take something huge and lead you down the road to destruction. He'll take whatever will work.
The devil is a liar, and he is trying to confuse us, distract us, and take us into isolation with our problems. Being alone with our thoughts is destructive, dangerous, and toxic. Even if you can pull off a good performance for everybody, you will be a mess inside. When you say that 2% out loud to safe people, it loses its power.
Even if there's no supernatural break, you won't be alone in that last 2%. You’ll have somebody who’s sad with you, and something about that heals us inside. Prioritize forming deep friendships. I cannot emphasize enough that we do not do things alone. So, find your safe people.
